More waiting and meditating

Pippa and Paolo in meditation

Pippa and Paolo in meditation

I am leaning hard on my meditation and yoga practices this weekend.  While my mind is moving constantly towards worry, anxiety and future unhealthy scenarios, I am doing a reasonably good job of catching myself when this happens and pulling myself back into the present, into right now, where I feel healthy and strong Continue reading

Smooth and Easy

The zuger kirschtorte I made for my mother's birthday - my last meal before fasting...

The zuger kirschtorte I made for my mother’s birthday – my last meal before fasting…

Smooth and easy.  That’s how I expect today to go.  This is a routine, minor surgical procedure.  I need to be at the hospital at 6am, should be in an out of surgery by 10, resting and recovering.  They are planning to keep me overnight, which they would not normally do.  I guess as a frequent user I guess special treatment.  I think I am what they would call a “whale” – a big time user of health care resources, so I get special treatment – the fancier laryngoscope, the special scalpel with Swarovski crystal on the handle, Continue reading

Booking tee times and surgery dates

20150317_080941Just when I thought everything was falling into place…  I feel great, I am getting back to work, and I have taken out the golf clubs.  Last week I was getting ready to book tee times and instead I am booking surgery dates.  This is not where I thought I would be in mid-March.  I feel far better physically than I thought I would at this point.  Continue reading

It’s time to move on

I'm sure it was the right call, but Paolo would have gone with Marshawn Lynch.

I’m sure it was the right call, but Paolo would have gone with Marshawn Lynch.

I’m over it.  They lost.  I accept it (sort of).  I don’t get it, but I’m over it.  As the headline in today’s Seattle Times promotes, “it’s time to move on.”  Until next season  #nextyear #what’snext? #whyinthehelldidhethrowthat? Continue reading

Romance in Seattle

Today has been red-circled on my calendar for a long time, and not because it is treatment #23.   On Tuesday I passed the half-way mark and while it feels like I am living at UWMC, I am really enjoying the experience.

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The therapists in Suite C are efficient and friendly and are keeping me well informed.  They let me know when we have delays and the reasons for them and alert me to any changes in our plan or issues with technology.  Continue reading

UWMC, ProCure and a VW Van

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Twenty-five thousand people work at UW Medicine.  Twenty-five THOUSAND people and I feel like I need them all. “The Radiation Oncology Services at the University of Washington Medical Center provide comprehensive and personalized evaluation, consultation, planning, radiotherapy and follow-up for patients with a wide range of cancers.”  Yup, right off their website.  Who doesn’t want comprehensive and personalized evaluation, consultation and planning?  Of course I do.  But right now I just want the PLAN.  I was really hoping that today, after treatment number nine, Dr. Tseng was going to give me ‘the plan”;  the number of proton boost treatments at ProCure, how many photon treatments at UWMC, and the date I would be going home.  Continue reading

Lucky Me!

20141013_083943Two weeks and seven treatments down, but more importantly, a few hours until Olivia and Stella arrive!  I am so looking forward to seeing them and to a weekend of seeing Seattle, being tourists, going to the farmers’ markets, walking, and not being radiated!  Not that the radiation has been difficult.  It is time consuming and awkward but the side effects have been minimal.  I can feel a slight sunburn and I am feeling tired, really tired.  I slept 14 hours on Thursday, which isn’t a bad thing, although it was a strange, restless, dream filled sleep, and I was visited for the second time by my bus incident of Tuesday.  I am beginning to wonder if this was a dream to begin with. Continue reading

A quick meditation on meditating

All around me, at every turn, I am being told to meditate. Friends and strangers are recommending MBSR and sending me links to guided meditations. Every magazine I pick up or article I see mentions it. I was meditating after my surgery and then I stopped. Why? Am I too busy? No, I just stopped fitting it in, and since then I have become more stressed, more cantankerous, less focused. So, this morning I put on my headphones, got comfortable and I tried it again. Within three minutes I had lost track of the sonorous voice talking about the white light entering my feet. I was wondering about how long the body scans will take on Monday, what if they can’t treat me due to the metal in my back, how uncomfortable will the body cast be, wait, what if I’m delayed at the border and can’t get there on time? What if they don’t let me in because of this Ebola death in Texas? What if I catch Ebola and the hospital is quarantined? STOP. I stopped.

I am too wound up to meditate. I decided that I just can’t do it right now, and then a reader reminded me that it isn’t about stopping thoughts, it’s about acknowledging them and letting them go. I can’t meditate right now, and so it is probably what I need most.

I’m committing to a daily practice. I need this, now more than ever.