More waiting and meditating

Pippa and Paolo in meditation

Pippa and Paolo in meditation

I am leaning hard on my meditation and yoga practices this weekend.  While my mind is moving constantly towards worry, anxiety and future unhealthy scenarios, I am doing a reasonably good job of catching myself when this happens and pulling myself back into the present, into right now, where I feel healthy and strong Continue reading

Booking tee times and surgery dates

20150317_080941Just when I thought everything was falling into place…  I feel great, I am getting back to work, and I have taken out the golf clubs.  Last week I was getting ready to book tee times and instead I am booking surgery dates.  This is not where I thought I would be in mid-March.  I feel far better physically than I thought I would at this point.  Continue reading

Birthdays and Setbacks

"Does anything look out of place?"

“Does anything look out of place?”

It is celebration week.  Maya is home for Reading Week and both Stella and Olivia turn a year older this weekend.  I am just trying to keep up as my recovery seems to have gone into reverse, partially due to self-sabotage.  I spent a good deal of last weekend in the ER at Kelowna General Hospital and haven’t been well since. Continue reading

It’s time to move on

I'm sure it was the right call, but Paolo would have gone with Marshawn Lynch.

I’m sure it was the right call, but Paolo would have gone with Marshawn Lynch.

I’m over it.  They lost.  I accept it (sort of).  I don’t get it, but I’m over it.  As the headline in today’s Seattle Times promotes, “it’s time to move on.”  Until next season  #nextyear #what’snext? #whyinthehelldidhethrowthat? Continue reading

A quick meditation on meditating

All around me, at every turn, I am being told to meditate. Friends and strangers are recommending MBSR and sending me links to guided meditations. Every magazine I pick up or article I see mentions it. I was meditating after my surgery and then I stopped. Why? Am I too busy? No, I just stopped fitting it in, and since then I have become more stressed, more cantankerous, less focused. So, this morning I put on my headphones, got comfortable and I tried it again. Within three minutes I had lost track of the sonorous voice talking about the white light entering my feet. I was wondering about how long the body scans will take on Monday, what if they can’t treat me due to the metal in my back, how uncomfortable will the body cast be, wait, what if I’m delayed at the border and can’t get there on time? What if they don’t let me in because of this Ebola death in Texas? What if I catch Ebola and the hospital is quarantined? STOP. I stopped.

I am too wound up to meditate. I decided that I just can’t do it right now, and then a reader reminded me that it isn’t about stopping thoughts, it’s about acknowledging them and letting them go. I can’t meditate right now, and so it is probably what I need most.

I’m committing to a daily practice. I need this, now more than ever.